What Love Is
by flowerninja
Summary: Nick and Amanda's journey to finding love. What does it mean to be a family. Follow them on their journey of love, hurt, and family. Please let me know how this is. And this is one of my first works, so keep that in mind. -Deepest regards, Flowerninja
1. Chapter 1

Amanda, who sat in the rocker folding her laundry, smiled at the sight of her almost three year old daughter bouncing around on the bed. "Emery, calm down a little bit punkin', okay?" Amanda said, her southern drawl creating a lilt to her voice.

"Otay mommy." she said. The rambunctious toddler fell back dramatically, her arm across her face. The blond couldn't help but laugh. Emery looked up at her mommy with wide, green eyes, and pursed her lips. "Mommy, when's daddy coming home?" she asked.

Amanda sighed, knowing she didn't mean Declan. Declan had never met his daughter with the exception of the pictures Amanda sent him. Which was just as well. He wasn't meant for the father set anyway. Nick had always been her daddy, which Amanda appreciated. Even though he left the precinct, he had kept in touch with her, but it had been quiet. They started going out soon after Emery's birth, and had hit it off. They had been engaged for a year now, but weren't in any rush. As for Emery's biological father, no one knew it was Declan. Not even Olivia. Nick straightened up after Amanda had Emery, swearing not to be the type of man his father was. "Soon punkin', I promise." When Amanda had quit her job to stay home with Emery, Nick picked up an office job at a training base 25 minutes away.

"Otay. I miss him." came the trembling little voice.

"I know baby, me too." Amanda crawled up on the bed next her daughter who snuggled against her. Amanda hadn't been sleeping well for about three weeks now. She was waking up every couple of hours to pee, and just generally felt crappy. Right now she felt tired. So she closed her eyes, and they both fell asleep.

Amanda woke up to her phone ringing. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. 3 o'clock. Nick wasn't home. Her heart sped up as she noticed the est. on the phone number. "Hello?" she asked.

"Hello. Is this Amanda Rollins?" asked a female voice.

"Yes, this is she." the worried blond replied.

"Your fiance, Nick Amaro, was in an...accident. He's at Mercy Hospital.I'm not sure what his injuries are at this time, but.." replied the woman on the other end of the line. Amanda choked back tears.

"I'm on my way." she managed to say before hanging up. She bit her lip, willing herself not to cry in front of her daughter. "Em, sweetie, come on. We have to get up."

"Why?" she whined.

"Daddy got a boo-boo." she explained as best she could. The toddler screwed up her face and started to cry.

"Daddy!" Amanda took her daughter in her arms and consoled her. Amanda quickly found her coat and shoes, zipped Emery up in a footy sleeper, and grabbed her bag, before heading out to the car. She buckled Emery in her carseat, and drove down the road to Mercy. _Oh God, please let him be okay._ she silently prayed as she pulled into the parking lot. She grabbed Emery who then clung to her like a Koala, and headed inside.

"Hello, can I help you" asked the secretary.

Amanda nodded. "Yes, I'm here about my fiance, Nick Amaro." she stated.

"Daddy.." came a whimpered reply from the quiet three year old. Amanda rubbed her back.

"Yes. He was.." Amanda covered her daughter's ears. "Shot twice in the shoulder, an accident at the base, it appears." she said. Amanda gasped, but managed to nod. "He's out of surgery, but stable, considering the circumstances." she said. Amanda nodded again.

"Let me.. Call my best friends. I need them here for my daughter,"she explained. The secretary nodded sympathetically. Amanda pulled out her phone, and dialed Olivia's number.

" Lt. Olivia Benson." she answered.

"Hey, Liv. It's Amanda. Nick was shot. He's at mercy."

"Oh Rollins, I'm so sorry!" said the Lt. Olivia had always been like an older sister her, and Amanda looked up to her. "Anything I can do?" she asked.

"Yeah. Could you and Fin come on down?" asked the blond. She didn't want Carisi to come because..well..it'd be awkward. Before she and Nick got together, there had been something with Carisi. But it was gone, and she just didn't want to see him.

"Sure, anything else?" asked the brunette.

"No, that's it." she said before hanging up.

When Fin and Olivia showed up, Emery jumped out of Amanda's arms and reached for the older detective.

"Fwin, uppy." she said. Fin laughed and picked her up. He distracted her by telling her a story. Amanda rushed into her mentor's arms, the tears she had been holding back spilled over.

"Hey, hey. It'll be okay. You'll see. He'll get through this." the brunette tried to console her friend, and stroked her long blond hair. Amanda sniffled, and brushed at her eyes. She looked up at Olivia, who also had tears on her cheeks, and felt a twist of guilt. She knew that Olivia and Nick had a history, small that it was, and felt responsible for their "break up." But the older woman squeezed her shoulder in understanding. Olivia felt a tug on her pants leg. She looked down, and saw a concerned face looking up at her.

"Owivia, whewe is my daddy?" she asked impatiently. Olivia's heart wrenched.

"Daddy got a boo boo. He'll be okay soon."she said.

"You pwomise?" asked the three year old.

"I promise, sweetie." Olivia picked up the little girl, praying that Nick would be okay, at least because of what she'd just promised this sweet child. Emery nodded, and planted a kiss on her god mother's cheek. Olivia smiled tearily. She had left Noah with Lucy for a few hours, promising the girl a little extra, today. Fin, having finished with Emery came up behind Amanda and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned around a fell into his embrace. He chuckled a little, despite the situation.

"Ms. Rollins?" Amanda turned toward the sound of an unfamiliar voice, and saw a young female nurse in green scrubs.

"That's me," she replied nervously.

"Your fiance is awake, and is asking to see you. He's rather adamant about it."

Amanda smiled. It was just like him, she thought , as she followed the nurse down a corridor giving Olivia and Fin a nod. Leaving Emery with them, she walked slowly into the room. Seeing Nick lying there, hooked up to oxygen, and bandaged at the shoulder, broke her heart. "Amanda, hey." he said quietly.

"Oh Nick she gasped, and rushed over to his bedside. Oh baby." she started crying.

"Hey, Amanda. I'm fine. The doctor says I'm great. I'm here, baby look." he said.

"I know. But you scared me damn near to death." she said. He hugged her to him. Amanda inhaled her fiance's scent.

"Amanda, Emery wants to see her daddy." Liv's voice came through the door.

"Oh, come in." Amanda picked up her daughter, and sat her on the bed. "Be careful baby. Daddy hurts." said the mother.

"Otay." said the concerned little girl.

"Hey, punkin'" Nick said, giving the girl a squish.(Which is what Emery called a hug.)

"Daddy! You otay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Daddy was hurt, that's all," Amanda smiled watching her fiance interact their daughter. She was their daughter. Last year's Christmas present to Nick was the signed adoption papers for Emery. "When you come home Daddy?" she asked.

"Soon baby. I just need to get better." he said. Emery nodded.

"Whewe is da booboo?" she asked. Nick smiled, and pointed to his shoulder.

"Em," Amanda started to warn. But Nick stopped her with a finger to his lips. Emery placed a very gentle kiss on his shoulder. And he smiled. His family. His little family.


	2. Sleepovers

week later

Nick had come home, and was recovering well from the shooting injury that had nearly shattered his left shoulder blade. However, he was on paid leave for another month until he healed completely.

Amanda stood up, and stretched. She had fallen asleep while folding laundry. "Nick?!" she called out.

"In the living room, babe." he replied. She walked down the hallway, and found her fiance in the living room playing with their daughter.

"Mommy!"Emery stood up and ran over to to her mommy, brown curls bouncing.

"Hey, Punkin', having fun with daddy?" she asked.

"Yeah." replied the little girl. Amanda smiled. She loved her family, she did. But sometimes, she forgot what it was like to sit, and have nothing to do. She still had days where she wished her daughter wasn't there. They were few and far between, but they existed. No one knew she had these feelings. Not even Nick. But her daughter meant the world to her. So on the days she wished Emery was somewhere else, she put up a smile, and did it for her. She did it for her daughter.

"Hey, Amanda. I know it's a little soon, but Liv asked if we wanted her to watch Emery so we could go have a date night. She said Em could sleep over, if we wanted." her fiance said, eyes twinkling. Amanda laughed, knowing what he was thinking.

"Wait, a sleepover?!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah you know. The thing where you spend a night with someone, and have fun?" he said. Amanda groaned.

"I know, I mean, she's not even three let's ask her."

"Axe me what?" came the small reply.

"Em., do you wanna have some playtime with Noah?" she asked, getting down to her daughter's level.

"Yeah. Noah an' me can pway. We wike to pwetend to be powice .Dis is my stuck out two onwy fow bad people." she said earnestly. Amanda laughed, gathering her daughter in her arms.

"Alright. Let's go get your stuff in you bag okay?And Nick, you can text her back an tell her she's on for tonight at 3:30." said the young mother. He nodded. Amanda followed her daughter down the hall into her room. It was painted a purple pastel color, with accents of a creamy white. Amanda pulled out some panties,pj's, clothes for tomorrow, a pair of socks, and threw them in the , who had disappeared for a moment, trotted out of the bathroom,toothbrush and comb in hand. "Good girl," Amanda praised. Emery smiled, a toothy grin.

"I'm weady." she said, putting her little backpack over her shoulders. Amanda laughed.

"Alright Punkin'. Kiss daddy bye." the little girl ran over to Nick.

"Skish!" she said throwing her arms around him. He wrapped her in a hug. "

Bye baby. Have fun." he whispered.

"Bye daddy. Wuv you."

"I love you too Punkin'." he replied.

Amanda grabbed the girl's hand, and walked out to the car. Her baby girl, growing up. She held back the tears that threatened to overflow, and smiled, marveling at her daughter. Her amazing, wonderful, crazy little girl.


	3. Babies,Love,Marriage,

Warning: sensitive subject matter

One Hour Later

Amanda rubbed her eyes. "You okay babe?" her fiance addressed her, eyes full of concern.

"Yeah. It's just..My little girl is growing up. It's her first sleepover. Than it will be school, and dating, then driving and…" Nick cut her off with a small kiss.

"You're getting ahead of yourself Amanda. One of the things I have learned is that you can't sit and think about the future, or you miss the present. Yes she's growing up, but she's still little. Just savor this time in your life because one day you'll look back and it will make everything worthwhile." he finished. She looked up at him, teary eyed.

"Thank you Nick. I love you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. So is Emery." she said, and pulled him in for a kiss. He ran his hands down her shirt.

"Think..it's time for some fun now…?" he gasped. Amanda nodded.  
Nick's tongue slid across her lips, and she opened her mouth, taking him in. She leaned forward, nuzzling the hollow by his collar bone. He breathed hard. "Oh Manda! Oh.." he said in ecstasy. They found their way to the bed. Amanda pulled off her shirt and Nick's. His knee pressed against her inner thigh. She tightened her grip around him.

"Oh Nick. Baby oh...Please. I.. if you can..I" he smirked.

"You sure.." he asked. She nodded quickly. "Uhhuh.." . He pulled his boxers down, and slid his fingers under the band of the blonds panties, lowering them as well. He placed his mouth on her neck, sucking gently.

Amanda arched her back and relaxed under his hands as she fell back on to the bed. "Oh..That was amazing" she breathed.

"Yeah.." Nick winced, his shoulder complaining.

"You okay? Your shoulder?" she asked.

"Yeah. My fault, he said. I'll be fine." he assured her.

"Okay. I love you Nick. I always will." he chuckled.

"Me too Manda. Me too."

Amanda started to tell him something, but stopped. "Um, Nick, I..." she stammered.

"Baby, what is it?" he was worried now.

"I think...I think I'm pregnant." she waited for his response. He stared into those deep blue eyes, the eyes he loved so much.

"Amanda,if you are, I hope the baby has your gorgeous eyes." he replied. Amanda cried softly.

"Oh Nick. I love you so..o much. I know I've already said that, but I am truly blessed to have you in my life. So is Emery. But sometimes, sometimes I don't know if I can do it anymore. I just get so overwhelmed. There are days...No.. I can't." she said.

"Babe,what can't you do? You can tell me anything." he said quietly.

"There are days where I wish I didn't have a kid. Not that Emery wasn't here, but sometimes I wish I could go back to being that gorgeous, successful blond I was before." tears streamed down her cheeks. Nick's heart broke to see his fiancée like this.

" Oh mi querido corazón. Mi hermosa flor del desierto." he murmured in Spanish. She smiled. Amanda loved hearing him speak in Spanish. "My beautiful desert flower. I love you. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are a great mother. You are successful. You are raising an amazing daughter, and you handle me pretty well. He winked. I will always love you. You are doing a great job. No matter how you look, or what you do, I will always love you. I will always love our family." Amanda's heart flipped at his declaration of love.

"I love you too, Nick. Thank you, so much. I really don't deserve you." she confessed.

"Amanda, you have always supported me . Even when I've been the biggest jerk on the planet. If anyone doesn't deserve the other, it's me to you. But that's not how this is. We are not together because we deserve to be. We are together because we love each other. And work well together. We complete each other. You were the missing piece to my jigsaw puzzle. I love you." he finished. Amanda was actually crying now.

"Oh Nick..Thank you. That's all I can say.."

"That's all you have to say, baby." he replied. Nick pulled her in for a tender kiss, before putting his arms around and drifting off.


End file.
